There are several meanings of the word "Zen".  On my journey, I'm using the sanskrit translation which is “to see, to observe, to look'.  Findingmyzen means to find my observer in the exploration of my perceived current level of suffering.  Real or not, life is feeling a bit lackluster right now.  I'm a bit rudderless.  I'm going thru the motions and wondering why it all feels so stale and lifeless.


Ignorning the "observer" is a pretty good description of how we live today.  In a life filled with distraction, temptation and external stimulation to name a few, we move mindlessly through our choices creating the same habitual pattern over and over and wonder why we're suffering.


I'm on a mission. I'm searching for the observer within me who desires peace, love, compassion, creativity, intuition and fulfillment.  All of that feels like something I'm familiar with but it's off in the distance; outside of me.  Where has it gone?

The Observer

The observer within us (or inner voice) usually whispers to us gently.  It has no desire to battle the ego with all it's monotonous thoughts and run-on sentences.  Instead, it waits patiently for us to give it a chance for the observer to be heard.  Admittedly, I think most of us are afraid to hear that voice.  There must be a million other things I should be doing. Ah yes, the difference between doing and being.  I'm sure I should pick up my cell phone and search for something important to distract myself with that will make me feel important.


My Morning Reflection

This morning I sat to BE.  I focused on my breath and gave myself permission to squirm my way into stillness.  My mind reflected on the fact that a large part of this journey requires being in my truth.  The feelings I'm longing for come from being brutally honest with oneself, especially oneself, I wondered how this latest search will lead to peace.  After all, have you ever heard the saying "the truth hurts"! 


FindingMyZen In Truth

Let's "observe" the meaning of truth.  Is your truth my truth?  Is my truth your truth?  Where is "my truth" really an opinion based on the accumulation of information and experiences to date?  How has this truth been influencing my life?  


Some of us tell ourselves lies (and think they’re our truth) OR live a lie (and tell others it’s our truth).  Here are some examples of some of things we think are our truths but they’re the lies we tell ourselves OR someone else.  And boy do these things wreak havoc in our lives.


What if I told you almost ALL our truths are FALSE.  Yup.  Sucks right.  Let's explore the fact that much of what we learn as truth is constantly evolving as a new truth comes to the surface.  Truth is largely based on the level of consciousness at that time.  History changes, science changes, nutrition changes.  


Think of the religions, political views, companies, education and trainings we build on what we believe to be true.  And when that truth changes, the structures built on that truth all come crumbling down.  Back to "the truth hurts"!


Without getting too deep here, let's keep it siimple with some of the things we tell ourselves or others that we absolutely believe to be true:


What We Tell Ourselves:

  • I’m worthless
  • I’m fat
  • I’m ugly
  • I’ll never amount to anything
  • I’m stupid
  • I don’t deserve nice things
  • I don’t deserve love

What We Tell Others:

  • We have addictions we hide
  • We have affairs we hide
  • We have financial woes we hide
  • We’re in an abusive relationship


These lies have become the “truths” we live every day.  They keep us bound and gagged, paralyzed in fear, shame and locked in a cycle of negative habitual patterns that only bring us suffering.  And most of all, they are NOT THE TRUTH!


So, where did these truths come from?  These are the limiting beliefs and thoughts that have come from the people, places and experiences that have influenced our lives to date.  These thoughts drive our emotions/feelings which then drive our choice/action/pattern/behavioral.  


What structures in my life . . . or your life . . . need to come crumbling down?  What am I/you willing to observe today?